2018 a New Year
As I continued to battle depression I have come to realize that my new life needs to start today. I can't wait until the house closes. I need to start working on it today.
I've come to realize that my choices in the past have not always been the best. My choice of wife is first on my life list. Ilene was the person I married. I chose her with the thought of a lifelong commitment. I chose her with the thought of, till death do us part, and in sickness and health. My EX thought the "in sickness and in health" part, didn't apply to her. When I got sick, she left.
I had this discussion with a friend of ours a few years ago. And he mentioned that there was infidelity in his marriage and that people choose to stay or leave for different reasons. But when you look at their marriage and when his wife got MS, he stayed around. When his wife got breast cancer, he stayed around.
I have other friends who tell me they understand how I feel. They will say things like "Oh, I understand what you going through. I can beat a crowded place to be alone to but in all reality they can't understand that because they would have a husband male boyfriend they have children may have family again nothing I get up and buy myself a good bed by myself i.e. practice by myself late lunch by myself I eat dinner by myself if I go to the movies by myself it's if it's shopping I go by myself. There is no way that people can understand what I'm going to.
Please understand, that I don't fault you for having a good life. I fault me for the choices I have made in my life. And there are times when we make the choices that we make them for the correct reasons, but they turn out to be bad choices in the long run.
I have always said, that the best thing that you can do for me, is just be there. But that's a physical thing. I need a hug. I need a hand to hold. I need a conversation that isn't going to wear my thumbs out. I need to see the expression on a person's face when they're talking to me you. You can't get this over the phone. You can't get this by texting somebody he can't get this on social media.
I've come to realize that my choices in the past have not always been the best. My choice of wife is first on my life list. Ilene was the person I married. I chose her with the thought of a lifelong commitment. I chose her with the thought of, till death do us part, and in sickness and health. My EX thought the "in sickness and in health" part, didn't apply to her. When I got sick, she left.
I had this discussion with a friend of ours a few years ago. And he mentioned that there was infidelity in his marriage and that people choose to stay or leave for different reasons. But when you look at their marriage and when his wife got MS, he stayed around. When his wife got breast cancer, he stayed around.
I have other friends who tell me they understand how I feel. They will say things like "Oh, I understand what you going through. I can beat a crowded place to be alone to but in all reality they can't understand that because they would have a husband male boyfriend they have children may have family again nothing I get up and buy myself a good bed by myself i.e. practice by myself late lunch by myself I eat dinner by myself if I go to the movies by myself it's if it's shopping I go by myself. There is no way that people can understand what I'm going to.
Please understand, that I don't fault you for having a good life. I fault me for the choices I have made in my life. And there are times when we make the choices that we make them for the correct reasons, but they turn out to be bad choices in the long run.
I have always said, that the best thing that you can do for me, is just be there. But that's a physical thing. I need a hug. I need a hand to hold. I need a conversation that isn't going to wear my thumbs out. I need to see the expression on a person's face when they're talking to me you. You can't get this over the phone. You can't get this by texting somebody he can't get this on social media.
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